SIMPLY THE BEST...BETTER THAN ALL THE REST

Here we go, here we go! It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since my last list but shoot...off we go.

In terms of my life, 2004 was an 'egnh' year. I went to Florida, England, Arizona, Las Vageas and California this year so it was a great year for travel. I quit my horrible, horrible job at the toy company this year after telling most of my superiors to go fuck themselves so it was a good year for standing up for myself. I did a good amount of comedy this year so it was a good year for the funny and I started a new job which I don't want to jinx by saying I enjoy but I kinda do. However I was broke and unemployed for a majority of the year so that sucked as I am now in debt to my folks for a good amount of cash. Thank god for credit cards! Hopefully next year I can do some of the things I planned to do this year ie: join a gym again, switch banks, get my own cellphone plan, eat better, cook more, etc... but that's next year and right now it's still 2004 so off we go!

Best movie: Shaun of the Dead. I know it came out late 2003 in England but who cares. It beats the Dawn of the Dead re-make and I think those were the only two good movies I saw in the theater all year. Yayyy zombie films!

Single of the year: 'Slow Jamz' - Twista feat. Kanye West. This song is so good it's out of control. Tris Mccall wrote about this song saying it was tounge-in-cheek with all the name dropping of old soul singers. I disagree. I think the song works brilliantly because 1.) it's not primarily about sex it's about beginning a new relationship ("see you is my new chick...") and 2.) the name dropping of the old r&b and soul singers is simply tying them into the act of lovemaking. It's making public what has only been talked about privatley because , come on, when are you listening to Marvin Gaye? When are you listening to Luther Vandross (his non-Disney work)? When are you listening to Ready for the World (besides at a roller rink)? EXACTLY! When you're doing it! These artists were not making music for people to jog to! They knew that when their records were being played people were getting biz-ay! 'Slow Jamz' is a celebartion of their work and a celebration of music's played down role in all forms of relationships ("baby bump another slow jam and all you lovers need to hold hands"). It's about time these singers got their due and what better way then in a great song. Well done.

Now the biggie: albums of the year. Forget a top ten. In my mind there are only two albums this year. The number 2 album of 2004 is...

Leatherface - Dog Disco. The only band of old timers to make a decent album. Their last album, Horsebox, was the best album of 1999 and 'Dog Disco' was almost the best album of 2004. Why more people don't like Leatherface is beyond me. They are probably the best band going today. Their 1993 masterpiece 'Mush' is ususally in critics top 20 albums of ALL TIME. There is a reason for that. They are the best at what they do. Frankie Stubbs is one of the greatest songwriters of the last twenty years and 'Dog Disco' is further proof of that. This album finds Frankie Stubbs with both a new wife and daughter and positive outlook on life. Normal Leatherface records tend to lean towards the depressing but Dog Disco is so full of hope and cheer it'll brighten anyone's day. The best song in my mind is "Didly Squat" with the immortal line "I used to try and see the world as a child, now I see a child as the world." There's a reason why he's Frankie Stubbs and you're not. The album brilliantly captures the joys and fears of growing up and embracing your place in life rather than always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The whole affair ends with the life affirming "My Heart is Home" which sums up the general theme of the album. In my mind Leatherface can do no wrong and I can't wait for them to come back over to the US for another tour. Best of luck to Frankie, Mrs.Frankie and their new baby. Job well done boys. Descendents take note!

And now..album of the year...

Unlovables - Crush, Boyfriend, Heartbreak. I don't think I sold this album enough when I first mentioned it. It is beyond good. The fact that I know the people who made it shames me beyond belief. It's like when I was attempting to start my own band at 16 and heard Noise Addict's 'Meet the Real You' The feeling that I should just give up because there's no way I could ever top something like this. I was raised on the Beach Boys and harmony and a good melody is gonna win me over a clever lyric any day of the week. And this album has both in spades. From the blasting "whoa oh" chorus of "If You Were Here" (runner up for single of the year btw), to the sly Go-Go's references in "Vacation" to the song that finally solidifies pop-punk as a legitamite genre "Feelin' All Emo" ("I'm a pop punk girl, I like sunny days, stupid jokes and a good Ramones song"), Crush...is one hit single after the other. I'm 150% sure this band will be snapped up by a major label or some big punk label. They're too good to go unnoticed. When they tour , see them. If you live near NY, see them. Great live show plus great songs equals the total package. Fuck Interpol, fuck Iron and Wine, fuck The Arcade Fire... THIS is the future of music so stop missing it!

Runners up: Ergs - dorkrockcorkrod, Alison Krauss - Lonely Runs Both Ways, Carcass - Choice Cuts

There it is. Happy 2005 and I'll see ya when I see ya!

SHAME

So probably tomorrow I will post my 'Best Of 2004' list but today it's my 'Worst of 2004.'First off, I think worst movie goes to 'Napoleon Dynamite' but then again I haven't seen 'Garden State' or 'Eternal Sunshine' or any other film that folks have been prattling on about that probably sucks as well. I'll get around to it. Maybe. With that out of the way, next up is Worst Album and this year it's a 3-way tie. 2004 was supposed to be an awesome year for music. You'd think any year that produces a new Descendents; Morrissey and Paul Westerberg album would be the best year ever. Wrong. Each new album by each of these artists is their weakest to date. Now one could bring up the argument that is it fair to judge an artist based on their earlier works? Can we compare Paul Westerbergs new album to his work with the Replacments? Can we compare Morrissey's latest to his Smiths records and can we compare the Descendents who just made 'Cool to be You' to the band that made 'Milo Goes to College?'Answer: I don't know. What I do know is that both Morrissey and Paul Westerberg are two of the best writers of the twentieth century and the Descendents are the band that set in mold the signature SoCal sound that would be the template for every other band from the west coast to run with to far greater success. That's a lot to live up to for any person or band. On one side, how can one create with that kind of pressure put on them? On the other side, are accolades merely grounds for laziness? Once someone has been branded a genius it's hard to take it back. Given that we have Paul Westerberg's 'Folker.' A majority of rock critics gave up on sir Paul once the needle hit the wax on the Replacments swan song "All Shook Down." It was once said that the pilght of Paul Westerberg was "to be hailed a genius at 20 and a hasbeen at 30." A few begrudgingly granted him some respect when his solo debut "14 Songs" hit the shelves. And he deserved it. It was a very good album. He followed that album up with what I and many others consider his finest solo outing "Eventually." Then things went wrong. Besieged with depression, writers block, a collapsing marriage and the birth of a new child all at the same time he released the plodding, over produced, mopey "Suicane Gratifaction." Then he dissapered. Seven years later in 2002 he bestowed upon us the brilliant double album "Stereo / Mono", a collection of basment tapes he made at his home in Minniapolis. It was my pick for album of the year 2002 and was hailed by many as a return to form for Westerberg. Riding high on that success he released a follow up of more basment tapes entitled "Come Feel Me Tremble." He also released some more 'garagey' sounding basment songs under the moniker 'Grandpaboy'. He also released a dvd. Then this year saw the release of 'Folker' another album, yes, made in his basment. As the saying goes "if it ain't broke don't fix it" but that doesn't apply. Paul needs help. 'Stereo/Mono' was such a breath of fresh air because it was a 180 from the slick "Suicane..." However, two years and five albums worth of Paul banging away in his basment is too much even for me. The genius of the Replacments was that it was four drunk and scrappy kids that alone were messes but together made some of the most beautiful sounds you'd ever want to hear. You'd throw them in expensive studios and they'd waste track after track goofing off or reading out of newspapers. You'd set up industry showcases and they'd show up drunk and play all covers. It enraged the industry to no end but to the fans it was great. Because they knew that when they decided to stop fooling around they could whip out a song like 'Skyway', 'Bastards of Young', 'Left of the Dial' and so on. And that granted them permission to do whatever they wanted. They were bratty kids who needed some sort of authority to rebel against and provide inspiration to write. Now with complete carte blanche from everybody, Paul is at a dead end. With no time or budget issues and no other bandmates to create personal distractions Paul is forced to create in a vacum. Richard Butler wrote a song for Love Spit Love called 'Wrong Train' which told the story of a person who had lived the glorious nightlife in the city but was now raising kids out in the suburbs and feeling guilty for being bored. Im in no position to judge Paul's life but it seems to me he needs to get back with a band and back in a studio with a producer. He needs conflicts and strife and I'm sure that will bring out a great new album. 'Folker's' failing is that it's just more of the same. Songs with no real depth or insight just pretty chords and words that rhyme nicely. I maintain that Paul is a genius but even geniuses need to exercise their minds and the only way that's done is by challenging them. When you're all alone there's no one to fight with but yourself. And that's not what punk rock is about. And paul's a true punk rocker.

If being hailed a genius wasn't bad enough try being hailed the savior of a whole generation. That's the position Morrissey has found himself in. After leaving the Smiths a group that never broke big in America but for everyone who heard them were life-changing, Morrissey attempted to capture that magic in his solo work. And he more or less did. Why the music may be different without his partner Johnny Marr the words were still from the mind of Morrissey. Album's like "Viva Hate", "Your Arsenal" and his masterpiece "Vauxhall and I" took the Smiths themes of angst, naivete and longing and transposed them to his current situation. No longer was he the Morrissey content to stay in his bedroom with his books writing love letters to unattainable stars and vicious notes to the queen. He was becoming the globe trotting, jet-setting playboy he always longed to be. Older in years and with enough money to buy him whatever he wanted and with hordes upon hordes of fans who would gladly take a bullet for the man who's music saved their life during their own teen years, it seemed Morrissey was getting everything he ever wanted. But what happened to the boy who got everything he wanted? Answer: nothing. Nobody gets everything they want. And that has been Morrissey's plight for the past few years. The other side of things is that he was apparently diagnosed with (schock!) depression a few years back but with the help of medication the 'pope of mope' seemed to cheer up. That's when most people point to the slump starting. He tried to disguise it at first but more and more tabloids were putting pictures in magazines of him hanging out with other stars, dining with men and women and even (gasp!) drinking. Morrissey was getting high on life instead of waiting for death. This was a HUGE affront to his fanbase. I was never one of these people. I don't think it's any of our business and that we're not in any position to begrudge someone happiness. But then again, I don't buy a lot of records. His fanbase does. So our poor Morrissey is now stuck with the choice of either A.) catering to his long time fan base and writing songs about things he no longer feels or B.) risk alientating his fans and writing songs with more of a positive slant. But that irrascible Morrissey takes option C which is to toe the line. And he fails miserably. His songs poking fun of America make no sense as that was the whole idea behind the Smiths. An infatuation with American life. His songs about eating meat have been done before and his songs about being lonley become less and less convincing with every album as I personally know a handful of both men and women, attractive men and women no less who would gladly submit to being Moz's full time love slave should the need arise. And I'm sure there are millions more just like them. The problem with Morrisey is, unlike with Paul Westerberg,that HE needs to go out and do something. He doesn't need anybody to help him affect change he needs to go do it himself. Stop making music for awhile but find other creative pursuits. Try acting, try Broadway try dating someone publicly. Yes some die-hards won't like it but shit, he's rich, who gives a shit. I would rather hear from a Morrissey who's doing what he wants with his life rather than a Morrissey who's trying to rekindle a connection to his fans that fell in love with the person he was not the person he is now. Sadly that probably won't be the case as his new album is doing phenomonally well thanks in part to the unspoken throng of kids who recently discovered the Smiths. Not so much that they're into his new album but they probably just heard 'The Queen is Dead' for the first time recently and , like me, their head exploded. But hopefully, like me, the affair won't last long and those kids will be able to one day objectivley look at his albums in a balanced light rather than just accept anything the man makes. But then again, there's not a lot of people like me.

That now brings us to the Descendents. I had big hopes for their album as their last album 1996's "Everything Sucks" was my first exposure to them and a really good album to boot. The Descendents once said that their songs were about "girls, food and fishing." And that's more or less the case on their new album as well. Only now girls are ex-wives or baby daughters, food is something that gives you gas and fishing is no longer talked about. "Cool to be You" is the Descendents most depressing album. Normally that kind of melo-drama was saved for their unlistanable side project All but it's all over their new album in spades. I principally blame Karl Alverez who wrote most of the new songs. Bad move. Any Descendents fan knows that a majority of the gems are written by drummer Bill Stevenson. On the new record he chimes in with two servicable ditties but that's not enough to save the album. Milo actually wrote the best song "Nothing with You" but again, the album is pretty much a wash. It may be me but I always listen to the Descendents to feel good. To hear songs about girls and about things getting better. They should have called this album "Everything Sucks" because "Everything Sucks" was actually an even tempered album dealing with growing up but at the same time maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity. But "Cool to Be You" is an album of defeat. The message you come away with is that life is too big and you will not win. This completely flies in the face of classics like "Ace","Coolage", "Pep Talk" and even "I'm Not A Loser." As the band once said "you can only be a victim if you admit defeat." On "Cool to be You" the band falls victim to it's own doubts and fears. Get it together guys. Remember who you are and let's write some decent songs next time. Come on get happy!

This was wayyy too long. Tomorrow a shorter 'Best Of'. Bye.

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE BABE...IN THE DRUNK TANK

Actually it was Christmas Eve on Rt. 1 South for me but that's... whatever. How was everyone's holiday? Mine was very good. Thursday night I had an extremely quick ride up to NJ which is becoming more and more rare as Penn Station continues on it's steady decline toward awfulness. First they raised ticket prices (and won't let you purchase on-peak tickets from their vending machine so you HAVE to pay an extra $5 on the train if you want to take a train at rush hour). Then they added more stations to the NE Corrider line so what was once a 45 minute trip is now over an hour's journey just to get to Princeton. Then they apparently stopped training their crew since in the past two years I have gotten into 3 near brawls with ticket takers over such nonsense as; ticket taker throwing my stub away then coming back later asking where my stub is, ticket taker screaming at me for giving them the 1st half of a round trip ticket becuase the ticket taker on my train going to Princeton took the "return" ticket and ticket taker being obviously drunk. And finally they've been expanding Penn Station so when you take a train back into NY you're dropped off at the ass end of the LIRR station. You have to walk 10 minutes just to get into the main section of Penn Station where the cabs are. I don't know how this post morphed into an anti-Penn Station rant but in conclusion - fuck that place.

So Friday morning I finished wrapping the last of my presents, then Jake came over for a bit, then I drove to Plainfield to have Christmas Eve dinner with Tina nad her brother and sister-in-law and their cute kid. It was fun and their kid was being extra cute. We made it home on US 1 south accident free this time and with no traffic or yelling. Christmas was really good this year. Tina got me the Ed Wood dvd box set and the Beat Happening box set that has all their albums plus the ultra-rare Music to Climb the Apple Tree By. Nice. I got her the LOTR:ROTK collector box set and a Nightmare Before Christmas music box. Maggie got me a bunch of books on forensics (I wonder who she's been talking to..grrrr) and the big present is that my nutty parents bought me a f@#$'n drum set!!! All I asked for was like a gift certificate or some financial contribution towards such as I planned to exercise the awesome power of credit and spend the better part of the year paying it off. But they went right out and bought me the set I wanted. Go figure. I have the greatest parents in the world. Go Christmas! Sunday we were up bright and early as both Tina and Maggie wanted to spend the gift certificates and Christmas money they got. I bought a hoodie and Tina and Maggie spent hours upon hours in various shops. We then went out to Guitar Center in Edison where I tried to find drum cases. They had an awesome set but in the wrong size. Doh! I contemplated buying a cymbal pack but they really didn't have the right one so I used the gift certificate Tina's brother got me and bought a good set of drum heads. We headed back to NY that night so I could be at work bright and early this morning. Ugh. Tina has the week off and I'm here as one of four other people in the office this week. Fun times. That's all. Hope you all had a safe and fun one. Later.

NAPOLEON SHITOMYTE

Hi again. Sorry, I just had to get one thing off my chest. Tina and I saw this movie last night and holy god did it suck!DO NOT GO SEE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE if you are a fan of movies that are either "entertaining", "funny" or "good." It's only an hour and a half film but it drags on for an eternity. No plot, no likeable characters and no direction. It's just poorly constructed stereotypes wandering around in complete non-sequiters for the entire film. I've never wanted anything to end so badly in my life. Last week I had a tooth re-filled and that was 1000000X more enjoyable than watching this film. This is one of those films as my parent's 'Hollywood' friend David would say is " the kind of movie stupid people go see to make themselves feel smart." Now I don't believe there are really stupid people just people with exceptionally bad taste. How anyone could get even the tinniest inkling of enjoyment from this film baffles me to no end. I assume the people who enjoyed it are the kind of people who've never sought out anything good or substantial and only see what the television tells them to or live in some podunk, nowheresville town with no real cultural outlet so any movie not involving helicopter crashes that finds it's way to them(this movie was an MTV production BTW) instantly starts blowing minds left and right. The peole who enjoyed it are probably the people who mistake "irony" and "smugness" for art and humor completely ignoring the fact that the people crafting these "ironic" movies don't understand irony in the first place. Shit breeding shit. This is a movie that even Todd Solonz would pass on. It's not art, it's shit. I repeat, DO NOT GO SEE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. There are a billion better ways to waste an hour and a half. Merry Christmas.

YAYYY...BLOOD ORGY!!

I don't normally like South Park but their Woodland Creature Christmas Special was pretty funny. Tina and her co-worker John thought it was very offensive but I just thought it was silly. In case you missed it, the woodland creatures worship satan and want to give birth to the antichrist and to stop them Stan has to teach these mountain lion cubs about abortion so they can stop the the birth. It ends with Santa blowing all the woodland creatures away with a shotgun. I have no idea why Tina would find it offensive. Then again, she hated Bad Taste as well which I maintain is better than all of the LOTR films. Uh..well, that's all I got. I'm going home tomorrow for Christmas so if I don't write before then have a happy holiday and I'll see you guys Monday when I announce my Best Of list for 2004. There's gonna be some big surprises. Probably not but you never know. Latersville.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT

So my predictions for America's Next Top Model all came true. Though Norell (AS looking girl) was voted off before Ann (?) the final three were the blind girl, Ya Ya and Eva. And, as I predicted, it came down to Ya Ya and Eva and Eva was the winner. This was a lame season. They need new judges, better girls (how about a retarded one, a physically handicapped one a psychotic one who often goes off her meds?) and maybe halfway through the season they should make the girls model for an actual fashion agency for awhile and have them be screamed at and made to run around a whole bunch so they learn what it's like to really model when no one's holding your hand. Also they should be naked. And boobs. I should work in television.

JESUS CHRISTMAS

So I'm holiday shopping this week. It's kinda easy this year since most of my family wants clothes and I work right on lower Broadway. The only problem is I can't make heads or tails out of most of these soho botiques. I am no fashion maven and I can't tell if most of these stores sell men's and women's or just women's clothes. I usually check to see if there's a dude in there by his lonesome before I wander in. I couldn't even figure out how to get into the Eddie Bauer store as the store design was so esoteric. This is why I've ended up at Old Navy most days. I fully support Old Navy. It's crazy cheap and faaaarrrr less ghetto then Kmart brand clothes. I missed Tina's band on Monday much to my chagrin as most of our collective friends turned up as I was home knee deep in Tony Hawk 3. Grrr. I wish people would give me a heads up when they are heading out. Even Phil who I had band practice with an hour prior told me he was just 'going downtown to hang out with some friends'- not 'going to see my girlfriend's band.' WTF!!?? Off to another band practice. Laters.

DRINK,FUCK,FIGHT

So Friday night was Tina's birthday party at some karaoke joint on 35th st. Nice place, private room and so forth. Lots of booze was had and many a song was sung. Mike and I dueted on 'Bust a Move' and Tina and I dueted on 'Paradise by Dashboard Light.' Fun times. Saturday we stayed in bed most of the day and watched season 7 of Buffy. Saturday night just as we were about to head out Tina threw a huge fit about going to the Onion Christmas party complaining that she thought it was going to be an actual party not just a "show" as I assumed was understood what with me mentioning it was at Northsix and there being bands playing. After much yelling and me telling her that we kinda had to go on account of me badgering Dan for a free pass and also we had to meet Jonnie, she relented and we headed off. She calmed down by the time we got to the train station but then on the train she started crying (??!!) then cheered up again. She seemed to think it was her birth control shot that was making her go all Patty Duke on me. So we get in to the Onion party fine just as MC Chris was about to go on. He does 3 songs then says he'll be back later. The next band was a rather dull country band but Michael Ian Black came out dressed as santa, sang a song and then wrestled Joe Garden dressed in a paper mache reindeer mask. That was hilarious. Then Tina started getting fussy and since it was going to be another hour before MC was to come back on we left and went into the city to see The Incredibles. It was okay. The beginning was funny but then it kinda deteriorated into a typical action film. Good but not as good as people have been saying. Sunday we slept and watched the rest of Buffy season 7. Yay weekend!

Today has gone by very fast. I've been in a pissy mood since lunch for no real reason (No, I didn't take a birth control shot.) Little things have been bugging me and what's really gotten on my case are these fucking messenger guys who constantly deliver packages to my office. I had to deal with these fucks at my last job as well and I'm thinking it's a pretty easy gig since most of the time you don't seem to have to be functional, on time, coherent, sober or even mentally competent. Like today, I had to spend 20 minutes dealing with a retarded messenger guy. And when I say retarded I don't mean like "playground-insult" type of retarded but rather "afflicted with down syndrome" type of retarded. He couldn't figure out where a package went to though it clearly said the address on the envelope and then he started yelling at me because I kept answering the phone (which is my job BTW) rather than helping him. I almost called up his company and screamed at them. I mean, I'm all for hiring the handicapped but come on! Isn't there some test they have to pass??!! I guess their hiring policy just two questions 1.) do you have a bike? 2.) Will anybody miss you if you get hit by a taxi? Bonus: Could you smell more like Pachuli? Some people's kids I swear to god! Good thing I have band practice tonight. Nothing like beating on some drums for a few hours to make everything right with the world.

MERRY, MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS TO ME

So Chadd and I figured out a way to access each others mp3's over the network and oh my god, his itunes folder is like the world's greatest record store. Every pop-punk album or 7" I was never able to get and every regular album that I have on tape or record is right there ready to be copied into my hard drive. I put 3 more gigs on my ipod last night and have so much shit to listen to it's gonna take me awhile. Sicko, early DBA, A.G's, AOD, Egghead, Huntingtons albums I never bought, MC Chris' albums, first two Green Day albums (I have them on tape), Smiths singles (on vinyl), etc, etc...

Today I am a happy boy. For the moment.

PS) Duh..I'm insensitive. I forgot to add RIP Dimebag Darrel. Damn! Brother went out like a true gangsta...shot in Ohio. What? I was never a big Pantera fan but that dude could rip shit up on the gee-tar like it ain't no thang! The dude who shot him was apparently pissed that Pantera broke up. Yikes! Good thing New Order got back together..wink, wink. I just hope there's no copycat killing because I NEED to see Superjoint Ritual. Leave Phil Anselemo alone!

ROCK (paper, scissors non withstanding)

Yo. So last week was fairly chill until Saturday when mine and Tina's band played a show at Rocky's bar in Brooklyn. The big problems came Friday night when we still had no idea about available equipment, set times or PA. A few band folks threatened to walk out on thye gig and many hasty and accusing phone calls were made. But eventually everything sorted itself out but unfortunatley that involved me having to drag the piece o' shit drum set that lives in my basment all the way to Brooklyn ($50 round trip plus tip. Nice). One band cancelled so we ended up with 2 hours to play. We soundchecked for 20 minuted then did our set. Third song in my bass pedal broke. Fourth song in hi-hat collapsed. Fifth song in snare stand came apart...so on and so forth until, literally, I was holding my snare in my lap by the end of the set and banging on one cymbal. It sucked. I really need a decent drum set. I've already eyed one up for the holiday season (Pearl fusion kit, Aquarian heads, Paiste cymbals..you know how we do...now someone buy it for me). Aside from our suck ass set people really enjoyed us. Go figure. Tina's band played the best I've seen them play yet. Grrrrr...

Sunday Chadd moved in but Ethan was nowhere to be found. He still has some shit left in his room and a brutha trying to live all up in that piece. That's some harsh shit. I still can't get ahold of Ethan. Today was bannanas at work becasue my co-worker has the flu (great) and the office manager had to leave early. On the good news front I got Tina and myself guest listed for the sold-out Onion christmas party (feat MC Chris) on Saturday. Just in time for the flu to kick in. Yayyyyy!! Laters.